teenage daughters

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    • teenage daughters

      Ok I have one for you all....

      Daughter 17, is in last year of school studying hospitality and tourism. The course involves them doing work placement which is one full week of employment at the beginning of term, every friday through the term and one full week again at the end. They then change to a different place and do the same over.
      She is in her second year so is in her 3rd workplacement place.

      The teacher rang me this morning as "the boss" had rung her to say that C was over 1/2 ann hour late and the same last week, she was worried that something had happened to her, so teacher went to work placement and rang me from there.

      Earlier in the morning she had said that the next door neighbour was going to give her a lift as he was going that way.
      While I was on phone to teacher I heard the car pull out and sure enough she was in the passenger seat.
      The teacher had a talking to her when she got to the work and had hoped that the supervisor would too.
      My point she knows that to graduate she can't stuff around this year, why is she doing this?
      She has also been 15 min to half an hour late to school most mornings when she has left here with plenty of time to spare.:rolleyes:

      Now as you all probably agree she is up to something, meeting someone...whatever.
      She does not listenn to me, her father is a waste of skin and hair so would not ask him to speak to her and there is no one else.

      She lies all the time, always has done since she could speak, which makes you doubt everything she say's anyway, she is not a good lier either.

      She has curfews of when she has to be home during the week and weekends, she always pushes these too.
      And she has a bloody mobile phone that she never stops txting her friends.

      She is not mature for her age either just to top it off.
      Any suggestions from those who have raised teen girls or who were painfullly like her as a teen as to how I should deal with this?

      Oh and she reckons she has a trolley pushing job (shame) at the shops just for 2 weeks, cash in hand. I don't believe this either as she will take off to the shops in high heel thongs, not exactly safe for pushing trolley's.
      I think this is just another way for her to stay out late and have me think she is working.:mad:
    • Earlier in the morning she had said that the next door neighbour was going to give her a lift as he was going that way
      alarm bells...ding ding ding...

      What time did she go to the neighbours? There's qiute a gap by the sounds of it..

      The trolley collectors are all foriegn, and hardly even speak English, let alone give cash to a 17yo to collect trollies..:(
    • Originally posted by luv2bslim
      alarm bells...ding ding ding...

      (


      I went across to M's after I spoke with her teacher. I asked him if she had told him what time she was to be at work and he had said no, we spoke for about 1/2 hour about stuff. I really don't think what you are thinking is going on. He was even saying how he gets pissed off with her as she will go over there just as he gets in from work etc.

      What time did she go to the neighbours? There's qiute a gap by the sounds of it..


      I don't know what time it was, I didn't even know until the teacher told me as to what time she is meant to be at work. I am that busy doing everything I don't notice the time. She went there and came back and said that M would give her a lift as he was going that way, and then I didn't see her again.

      The trolley collectors are all foriegn, and hardly even speak English, let alone give cash to a 17yo to collect trollies..


      Yep I know that too, she said the boss doesnt speak english and I thought well what is he doing being the boss then, she said that they are going in 2 weeks and all the workers under him get cash and it is hush hush. I did meet some of the trolley guy's while I was up the shops, she actually introduced me to them, some were paki's and others dark but I don't know what. They all spoke english though.:mad: The all "SEEMED" well mannered too, like yu would be in front of someones mum.

      Another thing, the other night she had her phone in hand and said, Oh Mark just txt me and wants me to do something, be back in a minute, she was gone ages and her phone was switched off, she said the battery was dead and that she was watching the Simpsons over there, I asked him and he said no. So she is using them as an excuse and going somewhere else.
    • Gee thanks, yes that would not surprise me at night time either, but you would think that if she is going to get in the shit she would manage to fit it in before curfew.;)
      That does not explain why she is being late for school or work placement when she knows the consequences of this.

      I want to know how to punish her, the way she is going she will never get a job and will end up like one of these teen mums. Don't say a word on that one l2bs.:D

      Next year there will be no financial support for her if she is not studying or working, how am I suppose to support her if it comes to that.???
    • oh PP. i really feel for you. i was a right shit when i was a teenager, i think most people are, it takes getting older to realise it!!

      because your daughter is truth challenged and obviously doesn't have any respect for you in terms of you caring about her and what happens to her...what can you do? she seems to have convinced herself that you are very unfair and horrible to be so 'tuff' on her...and to demand details of her life would get the typical response from a teenager that you are a overbearing unfair mother. she also isn't showing too much respect for your neighbour either by using him and potentially getting him into trouble. it does sound like she is trying to give you the finger by 'escaping' your rules (which are totally reasonable) and proving that she is beyond your control.
      so i don't know, all the tough love approaches or putting your foot down etc might push her further away. i imagine you've tried to all the avenues that are really open to you. i can only think that telling her that you can't trust her will have the opposite effect of what you would like to happen. i'm not being much help, but i don't see that you can do anything. she's 17, and while she's living in your house, you have a right to expect mutual respect and would certainly be a lot more trusting if she gave you the opportunity to see she deserved it.
      i wonder if talking to her about the dangers of being somewhere and no one knowing where she is might have any impact? you are really between a rock and a hard place here. one happy thought for you: it has been proven that teenagers' behaviour is due to their brains still growing and they don't have respect for others, communication and all the other teenage comlaints because of that. :rolleyes:
      cheers, sam

      go hard...or go home
    • Next year there will be no financial support for her if she is not studying or working, how am I suppose to support her if it comes to that.
      well maybe that's your avenue PP, you might explain to her that she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet, be responsible for herself and that so far your aren't sure she can handle it because she isn't sticking to school and pulling her weight. if she doesn't do these things, how is she going to afford the phone and high heel thongs? and does she want to be burdened with a kid at a young age and never get to do things for herself beforehand if she doesn't wake up to herself and smarten up?
      cheers, sam

      go hard...or go home
    • ahhh the joys of parenthood....
      the alarm bells would be going off in my head too if shes leaving home early and still getting to school late.....

      i have a daughter the same age and although we have a great relationship she did go kind of secretive on me for a while....so i just started reading her text messages...... the minute she went for her shower i went and read them.... am i ashamed?... no way...better to be safe than sorry.....why dont u try doing that...maybe in there u will find something that will give u a hint as to what shes doing.....

      my biggest fear, has always been and always will be... is drugs.... please, first and foremost make sure that she isnt involved in any way....... does she confide in u?... do u have mother daughter moments?....(sounds corny i know but its a good way to talk), find out if anything is worrying/upsetting her......maybe its just a stage..... how long has she been like this?

      good luck with everything
    • Originally posted by sambalam
      it does sound like she is trying to give you the finger by 'escaping' your rules (which are totally reasonable) and proving that she is beyond your control.


      I agree she is getting that way, it's like the more you give them in the way of freedom the more they want, while she is at school I am not going to let her run loose.

      while she's living in your house, you have a right to expect mutual respect and would certainly be a lot more trusting if she gave you the opportunity to see she deserved it.


      Again I agree, she has got to the point where she will not help with a thing in the house, won't even wash the dishes. The best she can do is every couple of weeks lug the laundry off her bedroom floor and put that in the machine, which she overloads and doesnt bother to take out and dry and put away.
      Her response is ehy should I do it, I'm not getting paid for it.??

      teenagers' behaviour is due to their brains still growing and they don't have respect for others, communication and all the other teenage comlaints because of that.


      I often think her brain stopped growing a long time ago. hehe:rolleyes:
    • as i am not a mum, i am aware i don't really know what i am talking about. however, having been the teen daughter of a mum, i know that i never wanted to talk to my mum about anything. if i had any clue about her going through my stuff, i would've flipped. so be careful with that one (although i agree, it might give you an idea of what's going on) else it might backfire in your face. kids don't like to feel that their privacy has been violated and it might make things worse. just a thought.
      cheers, sam

      go hard...or go home
    • Again I agree, she has got to the point where she will not help with a thing in the house, won't even wash the dishes
      it's your house PP not hers. you pay for her to live there, at the very least she can help you in smaller ways.

      I agree she is getting that way, it's like the more you give them in the way of freedom the more they want
      tell her freedom privelages are about to get a lot shorter if she doesn't pull her finger out!
      cheers, sam

      go hard...or go home
    • Originally posted by mutza

      ijust started reading her text messages...... the minute she went for her shower i went and read them.... am i ashamed?... no way...better to be safe than sorry.....why dont u try doing that...maybe in there u will find something that will give u a hint as to what shes doing.....



      She would kill me if she found me doing that plus I don't know how to work her phone either.

      does she confide in u?... do u have mother daughter moments?....(sounds corny i know but its a good way to talk), find out if anything is worrying/upsetting her......maybe its just a stage..... how long has she been like this?


      Unfortunately no, if she does talk to me about anything it is more at me about something she is trying to get me to react to or she is fibbing about something.
      I would say she is getting worse since becoming friendly with all these trolley boys at the shops. But she has always been a handful.
      Everyone including her teachers feel that she has a low self esteem and that is why she reacts to things ppl say and do so defensively.
    • on second thoughts, i think looking through her stuff is a bad idea. i think that would push her buttons the wrong way.

      until she's 18 you have a legal obligation to keep her safe, feed her and bring her up in a responsible manner. she in turn needs to take responsibilty for her actions, her behaviour and respect that your main concern is for her safety. i would talk to her from that point of view, make her understand that you aren't a hard arse out of spite or because you want to be, it's because you care about her.
      cheers, sam

      go hard...or go home
    • Everyone including her teachers feel that she has a low self esteem and that is why she reacts to things ppl say and do so defensively
      i resemble that comment! due to my family situation i had low self esteem and acted up a lot!! i was and still am the most defensive person i know!

      maybe she needs to be steered in a better direction. like a better job for one, and perhaps there is a counseller at her school that she can talk to? a trusted adult? again the onus is on her to take responsibility for her actions, but you may have to take a firmer hand in the direction she is heading in. if she can't handle the freedom she had, maybe she doesn't deserve it. take away something that she wants and abuses, sure she's gonna hate you a bit, but she might just end up thanking you for it later in life.
      cheers, sam

      go hard...or go home
    • Gee thanks, yes that would not surprise me at night time either, but you would think that if she is going to get in the shit she would manage to fit it in before curfew
      What time is curfew?

      I used to use the "I'm going to walk the dog excuse"..didn't work for long though, My Mother spat it and that was the last time she tried to smack me..I can still remember, I was wearing overall and she was trying to rip them off to slap me with something and I just laughed, looked at her and said "are you finished?"
      I don't have a clue what I would do if I were you..send her to live with her father...(just kidding!)
    • Pixie tell us all about this neighbour?

      The reason being is if he is just an excuse then why is she talking to him for half an hour?
      Thats half an hour she could be spending with this secret BF/pastime. Not necassarily anything sinister, maybe she has a crush on him?

      I'm yet to experience being the parent of a teenager so can't really help you there but I did find when I rebelled (I was actually a real angel and square before this) I used to get away with too much and if my mum gave me an inch I took a mile. I refused to do anything around the house too at that time.

      I think what I needed at that time was someone that I would look up to, respected and listened too to give me a good kick up the back side.

      Does she have anyone like that?

      Good Luck Pixie
    • "I think what I needed at that time was someone that I would look up to, respected and listened too to give me a good kick up the back side.

      pixie thats a good idea, is there anyone either family or friend that she feels confortable with, maybe u could ask that person to tactfully talk to ur daughter more on a friend to friend basis and see if she can maybe guide her....i know that at that age i could never talk to my mother but i had an aunt who i confided in and she would always give me good advice..... didnt always take it but at least it was someone i knew i could trust....
    • Is this the same daughter who rang when we were having a coffee telling you that you were late??

      I reckon teenage girls should be switched off and put in the cupboard at 14 and let out when they turn 18...

      I think everyone has trouble with teenage girls, and it isn't fashionable to like your mothers or do what they say;)

      At 17 there shouldn't be any reason for her to sneek around behind your back with boys, she is old enough for a boyfriend..unless he is married or heaps older than her...
      I would be saying that to her....Tell her if she has someone special she wants to spend time with to bring him home and introduce him..Tell her she can go out with him as long as you know where she is..of course you then need to give her the "be careful talk"

      As far as turning up for work experience maybe telling her that all the time she has put in studying will be wasted if she doesn't get a good report from the employer and she will have to repeat the year again..
      my biggest fear, has always been and always will be... is drugs.... please, first and foremost make sure that she isnt involved in any way.......


      This would be my main concern also, I would be looking for some signs that may point to this....

      Whatever happens, don't stress to much about it, we all usually survive teenage girls, and we all feel sorry for what we put our own mums through;)
    • Originally posted by Sherrie
      Pixie tell us all about this neighbour?



      I would need a book for that one Sherrie.
      We have lived next door to each other since C was 10 months old.
      I knew him b4 this through my X husband and I went to high School with his X wife.

      You can basically say my kids especially her grew up next door, they have a pool and their 2 boys a younger the eldest is now 14 but she has always been good friends with them.

      I think she used to see M as a father figure especially when I split with her father. When I changed her school at the end of year 9 for her, she rebelled badly, peircing her chin, taking the rap for other girls smoking etc.....all in the first 2 weeks of being there.
      She went from private school to public.

      To cut along story short, I found a diary that would put Danielle Steeles books to shame about love and all that sort of stuff and it involved the next door neighbour.
      I went to councillors and she had to do the same and he was spoken to as well and it was concluded that he had not participated in anything that she had written, which she admitted she made up, (peer pressure) this put a strain on the relationship with the neighbour for quite a while and she was made to realise what saying things like this could do to somebody.
      I never believed he did anything in the first place.
      But now she goes there all the time again, he told me this morning (it was me that spoke with him for 1/2 hour) that he gets really pissed off with her as she will here his car coming home from work and she is over there annoying him about something when all he wants to do is unwind and have a drink. etc etc.

      I think I hear her coming home now so will post this one now and report back later as I plan to try and have a talk with her.

      cross fingers it helps.