Parody - Cholesterol Theory

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    • Parody - Cholesterol Theory

      Has anyone read this, posted on empower:

      The following "Press Release" parody imagines a time in the not-too-distant fulture when humanity dies out from following the cholesterol theory of heart disease.



      PLANET EARTH, April 9, 2057 - A faulty theory on the origin and cause of heart disease, introduced on Planet Earth 100 years prior to this date, has caused the demise of the human race, according to a Pleiadean delegation report. The theory led to food choices that proved lethal to humans over several generations.

      "We were surprised at the rapidity of its effects," said the commission's chairman, "and the tenacity of the theory. Even when infertility and early death became widespread, humans did not question the validity of the basic assumptions."

      The delegation, which visits Planet Earth once every fifty earth years on fact-finding missions, estimated the decrease in earthling numbers at almost 99 percent. Only pockets of isolated populations and some descendants of impoverished dairy farmers, too poor to purchase supermarket foods, remained.

      Proponents of the cholesterol theory maintained that animal fats and cholesterol from animal foods were the cause of heart disease. Vegetable oils gradually replaced animal fats in the human diet as Earth-dwellers sought to lower their blood cholesterol below the levels needed to produce reproductive hormones. The introduction of imitation foods rich in plant-based estrogens, and of plant sterols into commonly eaten foods, exacerbated the antifertility effects.

      Humans were also encouraged to take drugs to lower cholesterol levels and these had side effects such as cancer, which contributed to the population decline. And heart disease increased, in spite of rigid adherence to cholesterol-lowering regimes. Low cholesterol levels also contributed to an increase in deaths from suicide and violence. In addition, children experienced growth problems and increasing numbers failed to reach sexual maturity. The investigators cited the lack of protective nutrients found in animal fats as a factor exacerbating all these conditions.

      Ironically, a few earthling scientists had warned against the effects of diets based on vegetable oils, the commission found. But these souls were either ignored or persecuted. Over time, mental ability declined, with great numbers of children experiencing learning difficulties and attention deficit disorder. Alzheimer's and senility increased among the elderly. Humans could no longer make sense of ancestral dietary traditions or of published studies on the role of animal fats in human nutrition.

      The real enemy, according to the report, was fear. "Humans were taught to fear the very foods that had made their evolution possible," said the observers. "They were very gullible and believed the advertisements and pronouncements of those who profited from the sale of vegetable oils and cholesterol-lowering drugs."

      "Even if earthlings can overcome their fear and return to traditional foods," said the commission, "it will take centuries to repopulate the earth." The delegation expressed regret at the waste of a fine planet.
      Weight Loss Goal - to reach 55kg
      Currently doing 12 week body transformation - at 64kg (9kg to goal)
      (Started 27/8/12 at 77.8kg)
    • "Even if earthlings can overcome their fear and return to traditional foods," said the commission, "it will take centuries to repopulate the earth." The delegation expressed regret at the waste of a fine planet.

      Hey this could be a good thing, you could say we're pretty overpopulated at the moment anyway :D
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