Toilet Humour

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    • I get a lot of stuff sent to me from friends and people at work.

      I also watched it a heap of times, then couldn't get the song out of my head for the rest of the day :rolleyes:. I also went to the main website there are heaps of other little cartoons for all occasions. There is another sort of similar one, that is based on Christina Augulira (sp?) song Dirrty.
    • Here you go:

      Willie Nelson
      (I. Berlin)

      Blue skies smilin' at me
      Nothin' but blue skies do I see
      Bluebirds singin' a song
      Nothin' but bluebirds all day long

      Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
      Never saw things goin' so right
      Noticing the days hurrying by
      When you're in love, my how they fly

      Blue days, all of them gone
      Nothin' but blue skies from now on
      (Blue skies smilin' at me
      Nothin' but blue skies do I see)

      Never saw the sun shinin' so bright
      Never saw things goin' so right
      Noticing the days hurrying by
      When you're in love, my how they fly

      Blue days, all of them gone
      Nothin' but blue skies from now on
      Nothin' but blue skies from now on

      Hey! whats this got to do with toilet humour? :D
    • Some of these are repeated from before, but they still get a laugh..
      GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

      CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

      WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

      SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

      POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

      LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

      GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

      DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
      CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

      GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

      SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

      WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

      THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

      THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!
    • Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart
      The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.

      Eggy Fart
      Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.

      Windy Fart
      The sort of fart which goes 'Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.

      Growling Fart
      Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.

      Worrying Fart
      The kind which seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage matters become less sure, as it feels too solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at the next possible opportunity.

      Prelude To A Poopie
      You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You tense your buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.

      Compost Fart
      You know the compost heap that a gardener keeps at the bottom of the garden? Well if you jump on it you will have some idea of what a compost fart sounds and smells like. Do not attempt this one while you have company.

      Beefy One
      Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!'. Will smell a bit like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog turd.

      Present (a.k.a 'Time I Wasn't Here' Fart)
      The type of fart which seems harmless, but then brings a small poopie as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet, and thank God you weren't in a business meeting when it happened. If you were in a business meeting of course, you're screwed.

      Squeaky Fart
      Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.

      Bunbuster Fart
      'BRAAA!' Sounds like a Beefy one, except much more sudden and much much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy. Leaves your bum smarting. You really feel these babies.

      Trouser Ripping Special
      Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby at the time will suffer hearing loss.

      Escape Pod Fart
      You think you got away with this one. You forced it out as silently as possible, and nobody heard. You take deep sniffs through your nose, as discreetly as possible. You smell nothing but your deodorant. Then 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everyone starts to cough and splutter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.

      Brewer Fart
      You try to push a brewer fart the last furlong, but it stays firmly lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that it is some form of gaseous landmark.

      Sphinctal Napalm
      Tends to occur a few hours after a hot curry. Nevermind the smell, worry about the burning sensation and the nasty stain you know it must have left.

      Stalker Fart
      Occurs when you leave the room to politely fart elsewhere, and save people the trouble of breathing your flatulent devils breath. You go back into the room, but LO! The foul nasal bombardment has followed you, and you are duly criticised for poor manners.

      On The Spot Fart
      You didn't even know it was there, but suddenly 'Brrmp'.

      Not Now! (a.k.a Anal Control Fart)
      You feel the presence of a mighty fart, and are unable to release it due to your situation. Happens on first dates, at important meetings, and on other such inexcusable occasions. You clench your buttocks together so hard that you nearly give yourself a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends on a number of factors, but Sods law tends to win out in the end.

      Hydrated Flatulation (a.k.a Wet Fart)
      The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants, and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. You might not like this little bugger, but you feel right at home with it.

      GNL Fart
      Gambled 'n' lost. You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are, but realize tragically that this is much more than a fart...

      Underwater Fart
      Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine of a nuclear sub. Can be smelt on rising to the surface, and experienced windbreakers will often catch the fart in an upturned jam jar, in order to set light to them.

      Gunshot Fart
      Gunshot farts sound just like a gunshot. They are exceedingly rare. In fact they are so rare that most people don't know they even exist. One report continues: "I have only witnessed one gunshot fart myself, my own, and almost scared the poop out of my girlfriend who was lying asleep beside me at the time. She thought it was a gunshot, and it was so named." A few others have refered to these rare creatures, so proving their existance.

      Tandem Fart
      Tandem Farts are the worst smelling and longest lasting farts ever to be recorded. They are so named since they are the only fart that is detectable by the nose on a Tandem bicycle (bicycle built for two) as it is being pedaled. A tandem fart occurs when the captain of the bike farts and the stoker smells it. As you can imagine, the fart must be extremely strong to compete with the wind and to get to the stoker's nose. Extremely disgusting farts off of a tandem are sometimes called Tandem farts, but they can never be confirmed as true Tandem.